Future Unknown

Sorry thats its been awhile since my last post, but I’ve been busy and away a lot recently.  

So as many of you know I work at Black Lake Bible Camp down in Olympia during the summer.  Well this year after graduating high school I had a few trips planned out and had decided to only guest council for the Jr. high and Sr. high weeks.  A few weeks ago after finishing the Jr. high week I realized how much of a mistake it was to not work the full summer.  At the end of the week I sat down with the program director and talked about working for the rest of the summer.  We decided on that I stay “guest staff” for Sr. high week, then after coming back from my highly anticipated bible study trip to Arizona I would come back for the final three weeks and be full, paid staff.

The decision to forgo being at home and having free time for the rest of the summer came after a realization I came to during the Jr. high retreat with my church.  As I have said before, there is religious division in my family.  And its beginning to seem like everyday I am at home I begin to dislike being home more and more.  When I’m at home I get discouraged easily, bickering is happening all the time, and whenever I speak about spiritual stuff or how I feel about something I get told that I’m too judgmental, or I’m too conservative, or I don’t have the right to make such strong statements.  As I continue to grow and mature in my own Christian walk, it’s hard  prosper in such situations when I am the only light for my entire family.

Now, when I was on the retreat or at BLBC, I feel like a completely different person.  I hardly ever have any legitimate frustration or negativity.  I know that it is a safe-zone too and that I can do all i want in a protected environment, but if i can’t do it in the real world then what is the use?  But I just feel different while working in the ministry.  There’s a feeling that overcomes all the garbage from life and disagreements at home.  But once again, why can’t this be there outside of camp?

I know that it’s not all everyone else’s fault too.  I’ve spoken with my mentor many times about this and he’s said some very useful things.  I know that I come with the wrong mentality when I come home,  I come with a “here we go again” mentality instead of a “maybe today there will be positive chances” mentality.  Especially now that I have my MacBook all I want to do is go into my room and not be disturbed.  Then I get unreasonably upset when anything comes up.

The newest thing that has gotten me upset at home is with college stuff.  I have recently looked into Ecola Bible School.  After having some of their students at Black Lake as a part of their Camp Ministries for the summer I have pretty much fallen in love with the idea.  I have spoken with my dad about it and he said that he thinks it sounds just like me.  But the issue is with my mom. When I asked her about it and if dad had talked to her about it, she pretty much point blank shot it down.  All the reasons why she says I shouldn’t are can be equalized by things that can be done down there.  It’s just tough to see someone who claims to have a faith be so against me expanding in mine.

 

I could use and would appreciate any and all your prayers.  For me, for my future, for my attitude, and for my family.

Thanks,

Ricky